| Biker vs. Sparrow A biker is riding along a country lane, when a sparrow flies up in front of him. The biker can't do anything and hits the sparrow. As he looks in his rear view mirror, he sees the sparrow lying in the road. Being the kind of guy he is, he stops, picks up the sparrow and takes it home and puts it in a cage, still in a coma. When the sparrow wakes up the following morning, he looks through the bars of the cage and says, "Damn! I must have killed the biker". |
| Biker Bunny One day in the great forest, a magical frog was walking down to a water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his life. By chance, today, a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner. The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both three wishes. Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female." For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that. It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well." The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle. For the last wish the bear thought for a while and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female." The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said, "I wish that the bear was gay." |
| Waitress The waitress was tired of this one biker always hitting on her, so she came up with a plan. "I'll tell ya what, stud. I'll have sex with ya on two conditions. First, it'll cost ya 50 bucks. Second, you have to guarantee me that bells will ring and lights will flash." He smiled, handed her $50 and led her over to the pinball machine. |
| Old Married Bikers A biker & his wife are celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night the wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same sexy little teddy that she wore on their wedding night. She looks at her husband & says, "Honey, Do you remember this?" He looks up at her & says, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married." She says, "That's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?" He nods & says, "Yes dear, I still remember." "Well, what is it?" she asks. He responds, "Well honey, as I remember, I said, "Ohhhhhhh Baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those big tits & screw your brains out." She giggles & says, "Yes honey, that's it. That's exactly what you said. So, now it's 50 years later, I'm in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?" Again he looks her up & down & finally replies, "Mission Accomplished." |
| Stuck In The Mud On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley. He managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his dick and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life. The moral of the story? When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks. |
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| Mechanics of Heart Surgery A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was waiting for the service manager to take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?" The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its 'heart', take valves out, fix'em, put'em back in; and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a measly salary and you get the really big bucks when you and I are doing basically the same kind of work?" The surgeon paused, smiled, leaned over and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running." |
| Biker Mother of Six A biker's greatest achievement was his brood of six kids. He was so proud that he continually called his wife: Mother of Six, which pissed her off a lot. But he kept referring to her as Mother of Six no matter where they went. At end of a poker run, he shouted across the bar, "Hey, Mother of Six, you ready to go home?" His irritated wife screamed back: "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!" |
| Biker Al Gore Al Gore decides to try riding a motorcycle, even though he has had no lessons or prior experience. He mounts the motorcycle uninstructed, turns it on & it immediately roars into motion. As it moves along faster & faster, Al begins to fall from the seat. In terror, he grips tightly on the handlebars, but can't get a firm grip. He tries to throw his arms around the motorcycle's gas tank, but he slides down the side of the motorcycle anyway. Finally giving up his frail grip, he tries to leap off the motorcycle and throw himself to safety. Unfortunately, his foot has become entangled in the exhaust pipes; he is now at the mercy of the motorcycles roaring wheels as his head is struck against the ground, over and over. He is moments away from unconsciousness when, to his great fortune, Wendell, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees him and unplugs the motorcycle. |
| Drunken Biker One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy biker bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw one of the bikers stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, try his keys on five different bikes before he found his. Then, sat on the bike fumbling around several minutes, looking as if he might pass out right there. Everyone left the bar and rode off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the biker, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The biker replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy." |
| ‘Lil ‘Ol Lady A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club. One day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers. She boldly proclaims, "I want to join your club." The guy is amused and decides to humor her a bit, so he says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join. The biker asks, "Do you have a motorcycle?" The little old lady replies, "Yep... my bike's parked over there," and points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway. The biker asks, "Do you drink?" The little old lady replies, "Yep, I drink like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under the table. The biker then asks, "Do you smoke?" The little old lady replies, "Yep, I smoke like a chimney. At least 4 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day and a couple of cigars in the evening, while I'm shooting pool." The biker is very impressed and asks, "You sound like one bad Mama. Tell me, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times." |
| Happily Married Biker Badass Biker Bob wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Bob looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen, and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Bob asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door." Confused, Badass Bob asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married'!" |
| Biker Saves A Life Two bikers walk into a roadhouse to wash the road dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking a beer and talking about the new model Harleys. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the bikers looks at her and says, "kin ya swaller?" The woman shakes her head, no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head. The biker walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her panties, and slowly runs his tongue from the back of her thigh up to the small of her back. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the biker walks slowly back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer. His buddy says, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there Hind Lick Maneuver, but 'til today, I ain't never seen nobody do it." |
| A Bad Day There's a guy sitting at a biker bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making biker steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The biker says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison..." |
| Biker Meets Viagra Crash, the Biker, walks into a pharmacy & says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three biker babes coming over tonight. I've never had three biker babes at once, & I need something to keep me horny, keep me potent." The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer & takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra Extra Strength" & says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!" The next day, Crash rides down to the same pharmacy, walks right up to the same pharmacist & pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices that Crash's Johnson is black & blue with the skin hanging off in some places. Crash says, "Gimme a bottle of Ben Gay." The pharmacist replies, "BEN GAY?! You're not going to put Ben Gay on your dick while it's in that condition?" Crash says, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up." |
| Just Say NO! A ten year-old boy was walking down the street when a big man on a black motorcycle, pulls up beside him and asks, "Hey kid, wanna go for a ride?" "No!", said the boy, and he kept on walking. The motorcyclist pulls up to him again and says, "Hey kid,, I'll give you $10 if you hop on the back" "NO!" said the boy and proceeded down the street a little quicker. The motorcyclist pulls up to the boy again and says, "Ok kid, I'll give you $20 and a BIG bag of candy if you hop on the back for a ride." At this point the boy turns around to him and screams angrily, "Look Dad, YOU bought the Honda, so YOU ride it!! |
| Arthur Davidson of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corp, dies and goes to Heaven. At the gates, an angel tells him, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven." Davidson thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out with God himself." The feathered fellow at the gate takes Arthur to the throne room and introduces him to God... Arthur asks God, "Hey aren't you the inventor of the woman??" God says, "Yes." "Well," says Davidson, "You have some major design flaws in your invention: 1. There's too much front protrusion 2. It chatters at high speeds 3 The rear end wobbles too much, and 4. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust." "Hmmmmm..." replies God. "Hold on." God goes to his celestial supercomputer, types in a few lines and waits for the results. The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it. "It may be that my invention is flawed," God replies to Arthur. "But according to my computer, more people are riding my invention than yours." |
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